Friday, April 29, 2005

But Can I Bring a Cooler?

For the first time in 15 years I have the first weekend of May free. The Beale Street Music Fest has always been a three day party for me followed by a week of recovery. I have some wonderful memories of most of it. I wish them all luck this weekend and they are going need it if the predictions hold true.

If you live through the impending weather Armageddon today you still may not be able to get to downtown Memphis for the festival. If there is a downtown. Not only is there a Grizzlies playoff game tonight and a Redbirds game at Autozone Park but a sold out Orpheum and Cannon Center combined with the River Race and a folk art convention! I also hear that the hoards from West Memphis may be attacking near the Old Bridge at some point during the night when the tide is right.

I have seen every TV station in town doing a live shot from Tom Lee (a formerly worthy Negro, not the guy from Motley) Park. Most "reporters" are focusing on what will happen once the park needs to be evacuated. Once? Huh? Let’s all calm down. There might be a rain storm.

What will happen is this….mud, gridlock, lots o drunks and Jr. High School girls from the suburbs showing their perky teats to Nelly and his posse. There may also be public fornication if we are lucky, so bring your camera phone!! Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want all of this to happen, I just know it will. So when your darling (read; jailbait) little girl comes home at 5am covered in “Pimp Juice”, don’t be surprised. It’s been happening for years.

The bitching from parents will start bright and early Monday morning…guaranteed. I can see the letters to the editor now…… “How could Memphis in May let this happen??!!” “I thought they were going to baby sit the crowd and keep Heather/Halley/Hannah from acting like the slut we know she is!!!”"Our little girl ended up on a bus to Kansas City with Yo Gotti!!"

Remember kids, these are the same parents that will get shit-faced at the BBQ Fest and show will show their saggy old tits to a guy from Ponotoc cooking squirrel on an old Webber for a bump. Ah, the BBQ Fest. You can’t bring a cooler to that either. You can order kegs.


Blogger J. Francis Lehman said...

Probably the most lucid and accurate assessment that will be written anywhere of how this weekend will unfold. The CA doesn't have the ball-hair (much less the balls themselves) to say any of that. Even the Flyer can't hang with ya', brother Zeke. Funny stuff.

April 29, 2005 at 7:01 PM  

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