Monday, May 23, 2005

Keep the Change You Poor Bastard

I turned forty over the weekend and had a chance or two to reflect when I wasn’t doing the usual wife and kids thing. Reading the paper Sunday morning, I realized how screwed up our world has gotten lately. When I was a kid we were scared of the Russians and that was about it. Today….take your pick. But enough of the apocalypse chitchat, what I want to ramble about is tipping. Not leaning back in your seat while you drive, gratuity. To Insure Prompt Service. Not a city in China etc.

I know how to do two things to support my family, radio and bartending. Thankfully, I have not had to tend bar on a regular basis in a long time. The way people tip in this town I would be lining up for government cheese in no time. Bartenders are a lot like radio dorks. There are only a few good ones and they make most of the money. Just remember, most of these guys are not dangerous. Degenerate? Maybe. The worst thing that could happen is they may crash at your house for a few days and eat all your food.
Give them a few bucks, especially if your ugly wife/girlfriend/gay friend has just ordered a complicated frozen drink. A good rule of thumb….”If you make more that forty grand a year and you don’t tip 20% you are a shit-heel. If you don’t make more than forty grand a year, don’t go to bars until you do.”

There is a show on the Food Network called 40 Dollars a Day where host Rachael Ray eats her way through a city for less than forty bucks. Although she is a hot piece of gastronomic tail, she is the Queen of non-tipping beotches! I’ll bet she never goes back to the same town again and I bet her food tastes like waiter spit. And I quote…”the total came to $14.85. With tax and tip of $1.95 that leaves me $13.20 for the rest of the day. A dollar ninety-five tax AND tip??!!! Rachael babe, try forty dollars a BAR like I did Saturday night. It’s a lot more fun and the drinks don’t taste like bar rag squeezings.

4 Comments:

Blogger druidmama said...

I hear ya Zeke. Many times in my past I have waited tables to make ends meet. I always tip well and have educated many folk to do the same. If you can't afford it, go to McDonalds, or Captain D's if you wanna be fancy!

May 24, 2005 at 4:11 PM  
Blogger moecephus said...

Hey Zeke! Tell Slapnutz to update his blog.

June 2, 2005 at 2:56 PM  
Blogger Web Dude said...

"What do you mean you dont tip, you cheap bastard"

-Joe
"Reservoir Dogs"

June 6, 2005 at 7:14 AM  
Blogger J. Francis Lehman said...

So, is this spiffy new boss of yours going to get with the 21st century and get a website up? Maybe something with an audio stream? I was gonna pimp you on another blog, but yer station ain't got no page, br0!

June 7, 2005 at 9:01 PM  

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